Tony: Babe.

Wifey: Tony.

Tony: My love

Wifey: Really? That’s what you’re going to say?

Tony: Haba it’s been a long time.

Wifey: Yeah, two long months.

Tony: How are you?

Wifey: I’m okay. How else do you think I am?

Tony: I know. I missed you too.

Wifey: Silence.

Tony: Bobo and Princess nko?

Wifey: They’re asleep.

Tony: I’ve really missed you guys.

Wifey: When did you actually miss us?

Tony: What do you mean?

Wifey: I’m just asking ni. When did you miss us, was it when Bisola gave you head or when you were chasing Tboss?

Tony: Ahan, but you know it was a game na!

Wifey: Tony please please. What kind of dirty game?

Tony: Honest babe. Shebi you saw when I was talking to Ebuka. None of it meant anything.

Wifey: Easy for you to say. The whole world saw you deny your family for this game of yours. You said all your family members are dead.

Tony: Ehn I just said that…

Wifey: Let me talk Tony! I’m the one that had to suffer all the insults from viewers. My friends whisper around me now. I know they talk about the rubbish husband I have that went to disgrace himself on Big Brother.

Tony: Wait…

Wifey: Did you wait before stripping yourself naked the very first week? People were even pitying you at that point sef. Until you and Bisola started kissing. That was a game too abi?

Tony: It was my strategy…

Wifey: To win 25million abi? Oya where’s the money. Show me the money na.

Tony: But babe you know how these things go…

Wifey: Yes I know how it goes. When you’re around women the first thing you do is deny your family. Remember how I caught you with that actress? Your excuse was that you were rehearsing with her. This one you were doing on satellite tv, that one is rehearsal too abi?

Tony: True to God babe, the whole time I was in there, it was my family I was thinking of o!

Wifey: Tony it’s thunder that will fire that your mouth. ‘Bisola I want to knack you this night without condom…’ Shebi it’s your family that was on your mind when you said that?

Tony: Honestly I don’t even remember I said that. You know we were drinking and that just came out.

Wifey: Yeah whatever.

Tony: You don’t believe me? Sincerely it was part of my plan to win…

Wifey: But did you win? They offered you one million naira to quit. You refused.

Tony: It doesn’t matter that I didn’t win the actual prize money. My appearance alone will open doors.

Wifey: It needs to open doors to a new house. Me I can’t live in this compound anymore. Even our neighbour’s daughter calls you T-T Trash.

Tony: Ah darling, slow down. We can’t move just yet. You know I’ve been away since January and I’m only coming home with the Pay Porte clothes I was given. When they make me ambassador…

Wifey: So all the embarrassment you gave me was for jeans and T-shirt. Chai, I have suffered o!

Tony: Babe just relax. I can fix this. Just let me get home tomorrow. Okay?

Wifey: Be coming, or did I say you should not come? Just stop over your mothers house and pick the children. I’m going for a beauty pageant.

Tony: Babe babe listen. You’re a wife and mother . You can’t go and be exposing your marital body anywhere.

Wifey: Well that’s rich coming from you.

Tony: See I’m still your husband.

Wifey: Define husband.

Tony: Why are you fighting me?

Wifey: You think I have strength to fight? Abeg I dey go sleep.

Tony: Baby let’s sort this out now. I don’t want things to be weird when I get home.

Wifey: Oh things are already weird. Just check Twitter and see what people are saying about you. About us. Some even abuse me for supporting you still.

Tony: Don’t worry all will be well when I get there.

Wifey: Na so.

Tony: Wetin that one come mean now?!

Tony: Babe.

Tony: Are you still there?

Tony: Hi.

Tony: I love you babe.

Tony: I’ll see you soon.

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